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All around me I see marriages struggling like never before. One more evidence of this struggle is the recent news of Lysa TerKeurst and her husband, Art’s, divorce. His infidelity hits me hard because I remember hosting a marriage group at my home with my husband over a decade ago and we passed out marriage material from Lysa and Art. My heart has been so burdened for families being torn apart by unfaithfulness.
As parents, we talk about some pretty heavy topics with our kids – staying away from drugs, resisting peer pressure, and even death. But I have decided to open discussions with my children (ages 6 – 15) about adultery, its consequences, and how to avoid it. It’s such a devastating poison that so many drink of and I figure if it’s included in the 10 commandments, it’s something we are going to talk about early and often.
I read a part of scripture that I found so intriguing that I had to share it with my kids last night. The Bible says that Joseph was very handsome and well built. He was put in charge of Potiphar’s house and Potiphar’s wife decided that she wanted to sleep with Joseph. She made mention of it and sought him out every day, but this is what it says about how Joseph responded to a woman he knew was interested in him:
but he refused to have physical relations with her or even spend time with her.
I guess I always knew the first part – that he refused to cheat with her. However, that last part really struck me: he refused to even spend time with her.
This is what I taught my sons: Sometimes, spending time with a particular person won’t be a sin, but you will know in your heart that it could lead you into sin. When that time comes – run in the opposite direction! I told them to follow Joseph’s example. He didn’t want to give temptation an opportunity, so he didn’t even spend time with a woman who could get him into trouble.
I told my daughters that sometimes they will have the opportunity to be in a situation that is not a sin itself but they know if they go there that it could get hard to stay out of sin. We can choose to make decisions that make it easy to live a life free of regret or we can make it really hard on ourselves and possibly end up in a place wondering how we got so far off course.
When examples come up involving infidelity, I discuss the pain that it caused the people in the family. We talk about how small compromises can lead to big regrets. I tell my children almost every day that their choices always affect other people. In a world that says follow your heart and do whatever you must to be happy, I tell my children that your personal aspirations should never come at the expense of the hearts of those closest to you. And I now ask them: Why spend time somewhere or with someone that can lead you to a place of regret and pain for those who love you most?