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My family and I went to see a movie together this past week. About half way through the movie I laid my head on my husband’s shoulder and nestled in close to him. As everyone’s focus was on the screen ahead, my focus was turned to the feeling I had as my head leaned on my husband. I felt comfortable and I relished in that comfort.
I have unfortunately been witness to more spouses than I want to count falling prey to the exciting feeling they want to experience with someone new. They get butterflies around someone in particular and they are willing to trade in the comfort they have with their spouse for whoever it is that is making them feel nervous with anticipation to see.
I can tell you that after 20 years of being with my husband, I do not get butterflies every time he walks into the room. Although, some days and some weeks I definitely still do! I do not feel nervous excitement when I sit beside him in the movie theater with my family. But I do feel a comfort next to him that comes with giving birth to his children, paying bills together, and figuring out how to get our kids from points A-Z every week!
After our kids were in bed that night and we were finally alone, I stopped my husband and made him look at me in my eyes (which he teases me about ;-). I spoke up about what I felt because for many years for reasons I don’t know, I stayed silent about these little thoughts that I had. I believe giving voice to your doubts can give them power, but I also believe that giving voice to your faith and commitments can also give them great power. I looked at my husband and said, “When I laid my head on your shoulder tonight in the movies I felt so comfortable with you. I know some people chase after butterflies and excitement with someone new, but I want you to know that the comfort I feel with you is what I want.”
Not one spouse that I have seen chase after someone new all the while having a spouse at home they have built a life with has ever said that they were so glad they did. Not one. Every single one has felt regret over the pain they caused, embarrassment over their selfish choices, and would take it back if they could.
“Sometimes love isn't fireworks, sometimes love just comes softly.” Janette Oke
It’s not worth it to trade the soft, comforting love at home for the illusion of fireworks that will fizzle out as quickly as they came in the distance.