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It all started this past year when my 14-year-old daughter went to a friend’s party. Her friend’s mom allowed her to have about five friends come and stay in a hotel with them for her birthday. During the evening, the girls decided to go swimming at the hotel pool.
We have made a family decision to only allow our daughters to wear either a one-piece swimsuit or a tankini that covers their midriff. My daughter had found an absolutely adorable tankini that was yes modest but more importantly super cute on her! :-). We were both so excited to find it, because it's not always easy to find cute and modest in one package but this coral swimsuit had it all!
When they were swimming all the other girls had on bikinis, and even though they consider themselves my daughter’s friend they proceeded to make fun of her because she wasn't wearing a bikini like them. Later on into the night they had a group discussion and my daughter let them know that it hurt her feelings (obviously) that they had teased her about it, and they did all apologize and felt bad for it. However, ever since then my daughter has asked several times to be able to buy a bikini. It's not as much that she thinks they are so much cuter, it comes back to the fact that she says all her friends wear bikinis.
With summer approaching, we have started looking for new swimsuits this year. We found two spectacular tankinis for her and snatched them up. I say spectacular because they were so flattering that she could model them (no mom bias here!). She did ask about bikinis again, but once she tried on the two others we found her face lit up and she was so excited to find such adorable swimsuits!
As we walked out to the car, I gave her a quick hug and said, “I know you don’t want to be different than your friends, but I’m not raising you to be ordinary… I’m raising to you be extraordinary! I’m raising you to be exceptional, and with that you are not always going to be like everyone else. You will stand out.” In true teen fashion she said, “I don’t want to stand out.” I said, “I know, but I think one day you will.”
My daughter went to school the next day and came home telling me that she found two other friends who were only allowed to wear one pieces or tankinis in public. They hadn’t talked about it before but let my daughter know once she talked about our shopping experience. She felt a little more strength in our decision knowing there were other girls her age out there in the same boat as her.
As much as I want my daughter to be liked and I never want my daughter to be made fun of, I more so want her to be able to stand out in a world of compromise. I've told her about the Mona Lisa I visited as a teen. When I went to see it, I couldn’t get too close because it was behind a rope and behind glass. I couldn’t get too familiar with it because it is so valuable. I told her she is way more valuable than a painting and I’m helping her not allow just any Joe Blow to get too familiar with her body by at least trying to hold on to some sense of modesty in our world today.
You immediately know that the Mona Lisa is an extraordinary painting just by how set apart it is. It is protected because of its value, and my job as a mom is to help protect my daughter’s dignity as she walks in its strength.
Proverbs 31:25a
She is clothed with strength and dignity.
As I help my daughter respect herself and distinguish her beauty, she will be clothed with strength as a woman whose confidence is not found in blending in.
Father God, thank You for helping me not cave to the pressure of so badly not wanting my daughter to be different than the crowd. Our decisions are not based on what my daughter’s friends’ parents allow them to do. We are not raising girls that have to fit in! Please give us wisdom and strength to help our daughters clothe themselves with dignity as extraordinary women of God!