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Unfortunately, our culture has greatly distorted our concept of what real love is. People honestly believe that they have done certain questionable things all because of love and they believe they couldn’t help other things they've done because of love.
When we first start dating someone, we say we “love” them. This person is so good to us, it makes us feel all warm and gooey inside and so we conclude that we have fallen in love. People even do this when they get a new job. We tell our friends that we just “love” our new job! It’s so much better than the last one and the people there are so much nicer to us. People do this with a new friend. We say, “Oh, I just love her! She’s so sweet!” The new friend is so accommodating and generous, that we can’t help but love her!
The common theme of these scenarios is that the “love” is felt because someone has been so good to us. But then the opposite happens. When the person I was into starts annoying me, frustrating me, disappointing me, I say we are no longer compatible and don’t really feel the love anymore. The job that was so exciting in the beginning becomes mundane, demanding, and disappointing. We really can’t remember what we ever loved about it in the first place. That friend that was so perfect? She was a no show at our important event and we discovered that she can be pretty needy at times. We realize it would be a lot easier to “love” her from a distance!
Our culture seems to classify love as a feeling of excitement, longing, attraction, or desire when someone makes us feel special. In fact, I even felt love for God once I realized how good He had been to me. I saw how much He loved me and that made me feel love for Him. Is this real love? That we love those who have been so good to us, excited us, or made us feel wanted? Believe it or not, the Bible tells us what real love is!
1 John 4:10
This is real love – not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
This verse throws us all for a loop when it starts out telling us what real love is not. At first, we pause because it says that real love is not that we loved God. Kind of sounds contradicting doesn’t it? But on closer look, it makes total sense.
True love is not caring for someone who has shown you great affection, made you feel good about yourself, or done a lot for you. This is superficial and centered on self and the Bible is clear in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is not self-seeking.
The Bible goes on to tell us what real love is: That God loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Why is this love? Because we couldn’t do a thing for God and yet He gave to us. We lived in a way that showed we didn’t care about Him, and yet He reached out to us. We constantly sinned against Him, and He sacrificed for us. Real love loves when it’s not easy. Real love loves when it’s not convenient. Real love loves when nothing is being done in return.
Romans 5:8
But God clearly shows and proves His own love for us, by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
God is the author of love and God defines love. God’s proof of love is that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. His love wasn’t based on what we could do for Him, but what He could do for us. His love wasn’t deterred by our sinful actions, but was poured forth in spite of them.
It is not love to feel excitement over or attraction to someone who gives us a lot, doesn’t show us their negative side, and makes us feel wanted. Real love is much more powerful than a convenient feeling that when challenged, can flee away as soon as it arrived. Real love is modeled by what God did for us in Christ and it is so much more than fleeting feelings.
Father God, our culture has such a distorted view of what real love is even though You have so clearly showed us what it is. Please help me truly understand what real love is so that I am not deceived by those around me. Please help me see the truth found in Your Word so that I have a full understanding of true love.
Is it Real Love? Take this test based on the Bible’s definition of love to find out:
Am I willing to wait for you until the time is right? Am I willing to show you tolerance when you haven’t gotten it all figured out yet?
If the answer is yes, then this is an example of real love.
Will my actions as a result of what I think is love hurt others? Could innocent people get hurt as a result?
If the answer is yes, this is not real love.
Is the basis of my “love” a result of me coveting or desiring what belongs to someone else?
If the answer is yes, this is not real love.
Does my “love” seek happiness for myself above the interest and feelings of others?
If the answer is yes, this in not real love.
Does my “love” cause me to act indecent, improper, or unseemly?
If the answer is yes, this is not real love.
Does my love for you cause me to be slow to get angry with you? Am I able to let go of offenses you have committed against me?
If the answer is yes, this is an example of real love.
Since God is love and our love comes from Him, do my actions resulting from my “love” for you cause a wedge between me and God? Does it make it hard for me to come close to Him?
If the answer is yes, this is not real love.
Is my “love” with you dependent on lies? As an adult, do I need to lie regularly to act out my “love” for you?
If the answer is yes, this is not real love.
Has my love weathered the storms of life with you? Has my love looked for the best in you even when you showed me your worst? Has my love caused me to remain steadfast with you even though difficult times have come our way?
If the answer is yes, this is real love.