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I’ll never forget many years ago watching our nephew's basketball game. As we sat there, things got very uncomfortable due to a family conflict behind us. There was a young boy being disciplined by his father. The father was very brash and almost hostile in his approach toward his son. The boy began to cry, so the dad “spanked” him and commanded him to stop crying. This made the boy cry more, which in turn made the dad angrier as he spanked him again and ordered him to stop crying. I’m not sure how many times they went back and forth like this, but it was such an absurdity to me that I still remember it over a decade later.
Yes, we want our kids to obey us, but I can’t help but think that this dad’s anger toward his child was not accomplishing one thing of benefit for his son. If he was old enough and mature enough, I think the son might have made the same request that Jeremiah made to God:
Jeremiah 10:24
O Lord, correct, instruct, and chastise me, but with judgment and in just measure—not in Your anger, lest You diminish me and bring me to nothing.
Jeremiah understood that the Lord is so much greater and more powerful than he was. He wanted the Lord’s discipline, but he didn’t want it to crush him. I believe our children genuinely want parents that discipline them and don’t allow them be selfish, unruly people. However, they also see us as all-powerful and all-knowing - although we know differently ;-) and it makes them feel defeated when we discipline them out of our anger.
Our job as parents is to guide, instruct, teach, and discipline, not demean into submission. Our job is to bend our children's mindsets into right thinking, not break their spirits. Jeremiah gives us some good ideas to keep in mind when we are disciplining our children:
Correct with good judgment: We need to take the time to use wisdom and discernment to make good decisions for our children. When a judge hears a case, he isn’t quick to lay down a rash verdict and doesn’t do a lot of talking. He listens intently and is shrewd in his decisions.
Reprimand in just measure: When we have had a hard, stressful day, it is easy to take out our frustrations on the weakest people in the room – our kids. We need to make sure that our discipline is in proportion to the offense. If we find ourselves exploding on our kids, we will leave pieces of shrapnel in their hearts for them to try to dig out later on.
Don’t punish in anger: Discipline from a place of love. Even from a place of love, we can be stern if the need arises. However, our anger will only put up walls and keep us from reaching the hearts and minds of our kids, which should be the biggest goal in our correcting.
James 1:20
Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
Correcting our children should help them see where they were wrong, offer a place for repentance, and show them how they can come up higher with their decisions in the future. Because of our place of power in their lives, our anger diminishes them, devalues them, and eventually brings them to nothing. My desire isn’t to bring my children to nothing, my desire is to help them grow into strong, healthy adults.
Thank You Lord for disciplining me with judgment and in just measure. Thank You for being slow to get angry with me and for abounding in love toward me. Please help me remember what Your Word has shown me today with correcting my children. Please show me when I am letting anger rule in my approach, and please show me how I can let love and discernment rule instead.