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My daughter was 10 years old and had just gone through her big pre-teen growth spurt. She now wore a shoe size bigger than my own. That left us only shopping in the women’s section for shoes. She needed some good, cute boots to wear during the fall and winter months, so we set out to find some nicely priced ones.
There were many styles to choose from - too many to count. I came across some especially stylish black boots. They were ones that I would definitely rock. As I was about to point them out to my daughter, I distinctly heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me, “Be careful what you give her to live up to.” Whoa, I backed away from the boots, and felt so grateful for the wisdom that had just been given to me.
Sometimes we get so excited about our daughters’ coming of age, that we begin to rush them into things that they are not mature enough to handle. If I had bought her those boots, she may still be the same little girl on the inside, but the people around her would expect her to live up to the image those boots portrayed.
I am finding myself in the same situation now two years later. I have always felt that I didn’t want to allow my daughters to text boys as pre-teens and young teens because it allows them to rush into conversations with the opposite sex that they would never be brave enough to talk about in person. I have to say, this is not the normal rule for girls my daughter’s age. Recently, we knew that a girl in her grade had given her phone number to a boy in one of her classes. He happened to text her a hello while I was right beside her phone. I showed her the phone. She said, “Oh, great.” I asked her what she was going to do. She said, “Will you just delete it?” I then sensed a sigh of relief from her.
I told her that she knows that she can give him mine or her dad’s phone number and he can call us and ask permission to talk to her on the phone and then she could talk to him. She said, “No, mom¸ that would be so embarrassing to talk to him on the phone!” Exactly. My daughter doesn’t have to figure out what she would say to a cute boy texting her right now. She doesn’t have to get deep into more revealing conversations that she or he would never be brave enough to say to each other’s face. She doesn’t have to live up to the expectations that come with a girl texting a boy in private.
I was recently at JC Penney and saw about an 11 year old girl trying on brightly colored high heels that I have only seen prostitutes and super models wear. Her mother was eagerly helping her pick the best looking pair. It took me back to a few years prior, and I felt for all that little girl was going to be expected to live up to as she wore those heels - From other girls and from boys or young men.
As moms, we can’t let our desire to see our little girls grow up, or pressure from what other people allow, push us into giving our daughters more to live up to than they need to handle.
Father God, thank You so much for Your Wisdom that guides me at the most unexpected times. Thank You for showing me how to use discretion when it comes to what my children need to be a part of. Please give me Wisdom and strength to not be swayed by what other teens are allowed to do, but to make good decisions based on what is right for my child at their age. Thank You for blessing the relationship I have with my daughters.
My family’s rules for cell phone usage:
Phone must be kept and used in public locations in and out of the home. Phone is not allowed to be taken to the bedroom, etc. because of internet capabilities.
Phone is turned off and kept in kitchen at a designated time each night, and is not accessed before a designated time in the morning.
No social media under 13. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-gregg/8-scary-social-network-sites-every-parents-should-know_b_4178055.html
No texting boys. They may call a parent’s phone to ask permission to talk on the phone.
No internet without permission up to a specified age or maturity.
Must put down the phone when we are at a function or friend/family’s house and interact with the people there!
The phone is a privilege and we are paying for it. Disrespectful or rude behavior toward a parent will cause a loss of the phone.
We give God the first and best of our time. No playing on cell phones until we spend time with God first.