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I have always loved pearls. I think they are so beautiful and elegant. Imagine with me that we see a beautiful stand of expensive, glistening pearls sitting on a table in an open room. Just as we are wondering who they belong to, we see a grubby man in cheap looking clothes walking up to the table. He is pushing a cart of cleaning supplies. We quickly realize that he is the janitor for the building making his rounds. He stops by the table and picks up the strand of pearls casually. Shrugging his shoulders, he hooks the strand to the end of his toilet bowl cleaner. As we look at each other with our jaws dropped, he heads cheerfully into the bathroom to scrub the toilets. We can’t believe that something so gorgeous is about to lose all appeal as it is surely getting tarnished with toilet grub.
The Bible shows us a picture of this same idea in Proverbs 11:22 –
A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.
A gold ring in a pig’s snout sounds like a big waste to me. I think I could do a lot with a gold ring, but a pig is just going to devalue it and make it seem not so pretty. The Bible tells us that a beautiful woman who doesn’t have discretion is that devalued ring.
Discretion is being able to act in a way that is not offensive and doesn’t reveal private information. It is the quality of presenting yourself in a way that is not embarrassing to the people around you.
I used to think that a confident woman could wear anything – even revealing things – because she was so confident in her looks that she didn’t care how much people saw of her body. After walking with the Lord for years, I realized that it is very unconfident to wear revealing clothes. I learned that the reason I would reveal private information about my body to other people was because I was so needy for their attention, their approval, and their looks to make me feel important and good enough.
I realized that dressing in a way that showed discretion actually made me be more confident that I was a beautiful woman because I wasn’t relying on the attention that came with more revealing clothes. I became secure that my beauty was not defined by drawing attention to myself with desperate measures like lack of clothing.
Of course we want to look our best and put our best foot forward when we venture out into the world. However, if we are revealing private information about ourselves, we may need to take a step back and see what our motivation is for how we are presenting ourselves.
Discretion also means to separate and distinguish yourself. If we want to look beautiful, we must not cheapen and devalue the beauty God has given us. Let’s distinguish ourselves in a way that others value our beauty because of the separation and mystery surrounding it.
I don’t have female role models that are as valuable as a gold ring in a pig’s snout. Grown women that have not yet learned how to carry themselves in a classy, distinguishing manner is not someone I can look up to. I don’t offer these women as role models for my daughters, either. If a woman has become “successful” (making lots of money) on the basis of her revealing clothes, her sexual movements, and her sensuality, I call that a prostitute. I receive money for you to be pleased by me sexually. That is a prostitute. I want better role models for myself and I want better role models for my daughters.
I don’t want to be a gold ring that is a waste in a pig’s snout and I don’t want to be a strand of pearls that is devalued as it hangs onto a toilet bowl cleaner. I want to be beautiful without resorting to the desperate measures the world resorts to to get attention. I’m worth more than that.
Father God, I really am part of Your royal family. Please help me carry myself in a way that embraces discretion. It is hard sometimes when I see women in the world devaluing themselves and getting praise for it. Please help me carry myself in a way that shows that I get my value from being Your daughter, and helps me accomplish the plans and purposes You have for my life.