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Last month I was shopping for exercise tops in a department store. I was casually looking through a rack of clothes, not really paying attention to anyone around me. I was suddenly snapped out of my own world, when I heard a comment from across the rack. “Gah, you’re such a hag!” came from a woman in her late 30’s. As I looked up, I saw that she was talking to her teenage daughter. I made eye contact with the woman, as she unspokenly asked me if I wanted a piece of her too :-/.
The teen years. Oh, the teen years. It is so easy to tell your child just what a crappy job they are doing of being a decent human being. It is so easy to call them every name that they are so disappointingly fulfilling. It is so easy to our flesh, that something tells me that can’t be the answer.
Proverbs 11:9
With their words, the godless destroy their friends, but knowledge will rescue the righteous.
If the godless destroy their friends with their words, how much more do the godless destroy their children with them?
Proverbs 11:12
It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor.
If it is foolish to belittle your neighbor, is it wise to belittle your child?
Proverbs 14:1
A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
If you saw a crack in your home, I very seriously doubt that you would try to repair it by getting your hammer and banging it open even more. Nor would you fix it by ignoring the problem. I imagine you would most likely find what was missing and apply the correct material to repair the crack.
For some reason, when we as parents see cracks in our children’s character, we think we will solve the problem by getting a hammer and tearing them apart. Maybe it’s what comes naturally to us because it is easy to do. But wisdom tells us that can’t be the solution to the problem. Nor will ignoring the character issues our child is having going to improve the situation. We have to take the time to see what specifically our child is in need of (humility, love, peace, self-control, etc.) and apply this in their life as a repairer. Remember, we’ve been there before, they haven’t. They can’t lead themselves out of pits they find themselves in, but we sure can.
If your child is causing strife with their behavior, then give them a fight. But do it in a productive way. (Eph 6:17) Take the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Your cutting, destructive words won’t do anything but highlight the problems that everyone already knows are there. The Word of God can bring healing, light, and strength to build up the child God has entrusted in your care.
Father God, thank You so much for the children You have given me. I feel lost sometimes as to what I should do when I see my child acting out. I pray for Your wisdom and Your direction in how I can effectively address the concerns I have for them. Please help me to guard my mouth and not tear down the very child You have given me to build up into a healthy adult.