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Recently we faced a very difficult time as we lost the baby I was carrying at 13 weeks. I was beyond sad and totally heartbroken. As a Christian, sometimes we can get too much in Christiany mode when the death of a loved one occurs. Thankfully, I had wonderful support from our church family. I know others have not been so lucky. Well intentioned Christian friends can sometimes recommend that you just stay strong and praise the Lord. They end up minimizing your pain and making you feel guilty for your sorrow.
The Bible says that there is a season for everything. There is even a season for sorrow. When we suffered our loss, I gave myself permission to grieve. I did not want to stay there forever, but I was sad and I didn’t want to ignore that. I knew that the Holy Spirit was my comforter, so I rested in my Father’s arms and just allowed Him to hold and comfort me as I grieved.
I read a particular statement after our baby died that I thought was very profound. A lady who had lost her husband said, “Jesus knew that He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead and He still cried about His death.” It is not un-Christian to feel sadness about a loss.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.
We may feel sad or not understand why something has happened, so we grieve. But because we have God to lean on, we never let our sorrow turn to despair. We may have gotten the wind knocked out of us, but our hope is still securely set on Jesus!
Psalm 116:15
The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die.
It is okay to care deeply when a loved one dies. The Lord does, too. It is okay to feel sad – Just let your Father God hold you through your sadness and give you hope and strength to make it through. If a friend experiences a loss, we can take a cue from the Lord about what we could say. “I’m so sorry about what you are going through right now. I care that you are experiencing so much pain”. More than telling them to look on bright side, just weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15). They will be able to feel the love of God through your expression of care for them.
Father God, thank You for caring about my pain. You are a living God who is there for me when I am grieving. Thank You for Your comfort and peace in my times of need. Thank You for sitting with me as I shed my tears, and thank You for giving me strength to get through my pain so that I don’t have to enter into despair. Please show me how You can use me to share Your love with someone else when they experience loss, too.